What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself the way you would treat a good friend who is struggling. Psychologist Kristin Neff, whose definition most research uses, breaks it into three parts, each set against its opposite [1]:
- Self-kindness rather than self-judgement. Being warm and understanding when you fail or feel inadequate, instead of ignoring the pain or attacking yourself [1].
- Common humanity rather than isolation. Recognising that mistakes and imperfection are part of the shared human experience, not something that happens only to you [1].
- Mindfulness rather than over-identification. Noticing painful thoughts and feelings in a balanced way, without suppressing them or getting carried away by them [1].
Emma Seppälä, then Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE), uses the same three parts in the infographic above, which she published in May 2014 [2]. Her starting point is that many of us believe being hard on ourselves is what drives success, and that the research points the other way [2].
The benefits of self-compassion, according to research
The infographic doesn’t cite studies, so here is what the research it summarises has actually found.
Better mental health
A 2012 meta-analysis in Clinical Psychology Review pooled 20 samples from 14 studies that all used Neff’s Self-Compassion Scale. It found a large association between self-compassion and mental health problems (r = -0.54): people who scored higher on self-compassion tended to report fewer mental health problems [3]. The authors called compassion “an important explanatory variable in understanding mental health and resilience” [3]. An association like this doesn’t prove that self-compassion causes better mental health, which is why the trials below matter.
Greater wellbeing and life satisfaction
A 2015 meta-analysis combined 79 samples with 16,416 people and found an overall correlation of r = .47 between self-compassion and wellbeing, stronger for cognitive wellbeing (how satisfied you are with life) and psychological wellbeing than for day-to-day mood. A subset of experimental studies pointed to a causal effect of self-compassion on wellbeing [4].
More motivation to improve after failure
A common worry is that being kind to yourself makes you complacent. The evidence suggests the opposite. In four experiments at the University of California, Berkeley, people who were encouraged to take a self-compassionate view of a failure or weakness were more motivated to improve. After failing a difficult test, they spent more time studying for the next one than people in a self-esteem boosting or neutral condition [5]. This matches the infographic’s claim that with self-compassion “failure is not an indicator of defeat, but a learning opportunity”.
A calmer response to stress
The infographic says harsh self-criticism activates the body’s threat system while self-compassion may engage its soothing system. One experiment tested something close to this. Women given brief self-compassion training before a standard public speaking and mental arithmetic stress test showed smaller stress responses in salivary alpha-amylase (a marker of the sympathetic nervous system) and in heart rate variability, and felt less anxious, than control groups, though their cortisol response was not reduced [6].
Steadier self-worth than self-esteem
In a study of more than 2,000 people, self-compassion predicted more stable feelings of self-worth than self-esteem did, and was less dependent on how things turned out. It was also more strongly linked to lower social comparison, rumination and anger. Self-esteem, but not self-compassion, was linked to narcissism [7]. This is the research behind the infographic’s point that tying your worth to beating other people makes you more insecure and anxious.
Self-compassion versus self-criticism
Seppälä’s article argues that self-criticism makes us weaker in the face of failure, more emotional and less likely to learn from our mistakes [2]. As her infographic puts it, self-criticism “will turn failure into despair”, while self-compassion is “likely to improve one’s performance after failure”. Competition gets similar treatment: when we see other people as obstacles to beat, the graphic says, we end up more isolated rather than more connected.
None of this means dropping your standards. Neff’s point is that you can still try to change, but because you care about yourself rather than because you think you are worthless as you are [1].
Can self-compassion be learned?
Yes. In a randomised controlled trial of the eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion programme, people who took the course reported much larger increases in self-compassion, mindfulness and wellbeing than a waitlist group, and the gains lasted at six-month and one-year follow-ups [8]. The trial was small, with 25 people in the course and 27 on the waitlist [8].
A 2019 meta-analysis of 27 randomised trials found that self-compassion interventions improved 11 different outcomes compared with controls, with moderate effects on stress, depression, anxiety and self-criticism, and large effects on rumination and eating behaviour. Improvements in depression kept growing at follow-up. The authors noted that publication bias may be present [9].
How to practise self-compassion
The infographic suggests four simple practices:
- Write yourself a letter. Write what a compassionate friend would say to you about something you are struggling with, then read it later.
- Write down your self-talk. Note the self-critical words that come to mind and ask whether you would say them to a friend.
- Develop a self-compassion phrase. Pick a few easy-to-remember phrases to use when you notice yourself spiralling.
- Meditate. Regular meditation can loosen the grip of self-critical thoughts and feelings.
Neff suggests a similar in-the-moment approach: when things go wrong, stop and tell yourself “this is really difficult right now” and ask how you can comfort and care for yourself [1]. Self-compassion is a useful habit but it isn’t a treatment. If you are struggling with low mood or anxiety, speak to your GP or a qualified professional.
Questions about the benefits of self-compassion
What are the benefits of self-compassion?
Research links self-compassion to fewer mental health problems [3], higher wellbeing and life satisfaction [4], more motivation to improve after failure [5], smaller stress responses [6] and more stable self-worth than self-esteem [7].
What are the three components of self-compassion?
Self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness, each set against its opposite: self-judgement, isolation and over-identification [1].
Is self-compassion the same as self-esteem?
No. Self-esteem is how positively you rate yourself. Self-compassion is about how you treat yourself when things go wrong. Research found self-compassion gives steadier self-worth and, unlike self-esteem, isn’t linked to narcissism [7].
Does self-compassion make you lazy?
The evidence says not. People encouraged to be self-compassionate after a failure studied longer for the next test and were more motivated to fix their weaknesses [5].
Can you learn to be more self-compassionate?
Yes. Trials of self-compassion courses show lasting gains in self-compassion and wellbeing [8][9].
Sources
- Kristin Neff, What is Self-Compassion?, self-compassion.org.
- Emma Seppälä, The Scientific Benefits of Self-Compassion, Stanford CCARE, May 2014 (the original infographic).
- MacBeth A. and Gumley A., Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology, Clinical Psychology Review, 2012.
- Zessin U., Dickhäuser O. and Garbade S., The Relationship Between Self-Compassion and Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis, Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 2015.
- Breines J. G. and Chen S., Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2012.
- Arch J. J. and others, Self-compassion training modulates alpha-amylase, heart rate variability, and subjective responses to social evaluative threat in women, Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2014.
- Neff K. D. and Vonk R., Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: two different ways of relating to oneself, Journal of Personality, 2009.
- Neff K. D. and Germer C. K., A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program, Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2013.
- Ferrari M. and others, Self-Compassion Interventions and Psychosocial Outcomes: a Meta-Analysis of RCTs, Mindfulness, 2019.
Last reviewed 3 November 2026
